I’m still having problems with everything but I still believe I can make it. Still feeling alone and unloved, even though in the back of my mind its not true.
Feeling like I’m the only one out of my friends and school and town who feels this pain. An really I’m wrong….there are thousands of teens just like me who want someone to reach out to them.
I always felt things would go so much better if I just dropped dead. That everyone I love will go on to live better lives and just pretend we never existed.
Yet, somehow we know that this is the total opposite of what they really would be doing. Though they would stop crying and mourning over us they’ll never forget us. Expecially, if you were an amazing person.
When I got out of the hospital I was talking to my best friend Sarah. She told me it would have ruined her life if I had died. I just told her she would eventually forget and go on with her life. Her exact words back to me were “Amanda if you would have died I would have commited suicide” because it hurt her so much that her life would have probably been ruined beyond repair.
Til then I had no idea how much I impacted the people around me, in ways to complicated to understand.
Then I knew that I would never do that again. To never put my friends future on the line. Hurting my best Friend was not part of my plan……and I hope its not you’re either.